Tales Of A Modern Day Housewife: Struggling With Guilt And Embarrassment

     Initially when I began brainstorming on this topic I thought I would begin the blog post by defining a modern day housewife. WEEELLLLL, defining a modern day housewife has been a difficult task because I still don't know what it is! In fact, a modern day housewife isn't one thing at all. IT'S A LOT OF THINGS!!! It's so many things that you can't name them all, hell some of the tasks and duties are un-nameable.

     I decided that this post isn't going to focus on what a modern day housewife is or does. This post will focus on my struggles transitioning from full-time working girl to full time housewife"-to-be."  

     If you have been following this blog then you know I got fired from my job back in February. I struggled non-stop for months to find work. All of my trials, tribulations, and interview tails are documented, thoroughly, throughout my older blog posts. Back in June I decided to make a career change. If all goes as planned I will be heading back to school, again, in January.

      I'm excited about transitioning into a new field. I have been actively looking for part time jobs or full time contract work that coincides with my new career change. For now my full time job is staying home.

     The decision to stay at home was not easy for me. I had several lengthy conversations with "My Guy." We talked about new goals, what made sense for me personally, and what made sense for our future. In the end I had to make the final decision. We all know what I chose.

     When it hit me that I was a "homemaker" I struggled with guilt and embarrassment. Surprisingly I never felt guilty or embarrassed for getting fired. I did feel guilty and embarrassed for not being able to find a job. The normal unemployment depression kicked in after I got fired. The doubts, the questions: Am I worthy? Am I good enough? Am I so on and so forth.....

     After we finalized our budget, and money wasn't the primary issue the guilt really started to settle. I felt guilty for having extra time for myself. I felt guilty because I could go to the grocery store at 9am, and the gym at 11 am. I felt more guilty because I was enjoying all of it. I wondered if all of this makes me lazy or lacking ambition?


     It was the weirdest thing. A few months ago I was burnt out from looking for a new job. Someone suggested to me that I stay at home. I shot that suggestion down without any remorse. When I came to terms with my reality, and staying at home became a good idea the feelings of laziness crept in.

     I didn't just feel lazy I also felt embarrassed. If anyone asked I'd say I was a temp. For whatever reason if you say you're a temp people leave you alone. TEMP is a magic word. 

 

          For me the icing on the cake regarding my embarrassment is the judgement and the smart comments. Oh the joys of the lovely and offensive comments that people make unintentionally.......okay maybe some are intentional. My favorites are:

"I couldn't stay at home I would be so bored."

"I couldn't ask my husband/boyfriend/spouse for money."

"You guys aren't even married yet, you're giving him so much of your power."

"WOW, having a sugar daddy is a luxury."

     

     And these comments come from people that I know. What's the saying, with friends like these....

     

     For a while whenever someone would make a questionable comment I would feel the guilt and embarrassment again. I try not to be too sensitive about it anymore because people are people. Contrary to popular belief I WORK! I have been doing some light research on the current state of affairs for stay-at-home spouses. I'm finding that many stay-at-spouses are skilled, educated, and upstanding citizens. 

      WOW  I made us sound like the Justice League.

       People stay at home for a host of different reasons. Those who get it, get it, and those who don't, don't. I know speaking from my own up bringing my dad stayed home and my mom worked. My dad is a highly educated man. He was a high school assistant principle here in NYC. My father was diagnosed with severe rheumatoid arthritis at a very young age. Due to complications from the RA my dad retired very early.

     Throughout my life my dad was always literally right there like:

     One thing I remember about my childhood is that my dad was always quick to tell people "I'm retired!"

     Despite not working my father has always  been very well read, and very current. (Well not so much now that all of us kids are grown.) When I was young I thought my dad was some sort of Wizard. My dad didn't work like the other parents, but he always seemed to know everything about everything!

      

      Now that I'm older I get it. My dad is how he is mostly because of his personality BUT also because he had to be. If he didn't define himself and how he contributed to our family, and my parents marriage EVERYBODY else would have defined him. I'm sure early on in his retirement my dad dealt with the guilt, the embarrassment, and unintentional (but really intentional) questionable comments. Him being the man that he is, I now understand how he has become the master of shutting people down.   

     Looking back at my parents relationship my father is the ultimate example of a stay-at-home spouse. He is somewhat who I aspire to become in one way or another. Well... minus watching The Price is Right everyday at 11am.

      You have no idea how upset my father was when Bob Barker retired.

     Poor Drew Carey had some TOUGH shoes to fill. But now all is well, and Drew is the man.

     

     Closing words, the next time someone has a questionable comment about my decision to stay at home, I'm just going to channel my dad and shut them down!

Sincerely,

The Anti-Bride 2013

Email: theantibride2013@gmail.com

Twitter: @theantibride2013