I started working in October and the first 3 weeks were very overwhelming. Overwhelming turned into busy. The entire month of November I didn’t know if I was coming or going. SERIOUSLY. Being on the other side of the madness, I can say in hindsight I am grateful for the experience. This experience is really reshaping my relationship.
Shaping my relationship in what ways you ask?? Well……..you know me always one to break a topic into sub-topics. Let’s explore this chapter in the saga of the Anti-Bride.
Shift in Our Home Dynamic
When I started working I saw a huge shift in our home dynamic. As much as I am embarrassed to admit it I really spoiled “The Fiance” when I was a stay-at-home spouse. I was so overcome with guilt, shame, and embarrassment, because I felt that I dropped the ball financially after getting fired. That guilt led me to basically let “The Fiance” get away with EVERYTHING. I’m talking from something as simple as leaving the toilet seat up (which he rarely does) to forgetting to inform me that there isn’t gas in the car after he gives me the keys.
When I went back to work this past October I just didn’t have the time to dedicate to our home like I did in the past. “The Fiance” was the first to notice the lack of dedication. Naturally he didn’t hold his tongue about it. We would get into arguments about everything. We got into an argument because he didn’t want to eat dinner. Why???? Well, because my spaghetti tasted funny.
We argued because he left a napkin in one of his pockets, and I discovered it after I washed clothes. Needless to say there was tissue matted on everything.
The adjustment process from my old job staying at home -- to my new job, working out of the house, was an oh so long of a process. I really didn’t think we would come out of it. We were fighting like cats and dogs.
Now that I’ve been working for going on 3 months we’ve both noticed that things have gotten A LOT BETTER!
It took a while for us to realize why we were fighting. I felt like, and sometimes I still feel like but that’s another blog post, “The Fiance” was always riding me. I needed him to take on some responsibilities because taking care of a household is a job in itself.
I see that he’s really trying, and I am okay with that. I feel like despite who we may think we are, we are a lot like our parents, or those who raised us. While both of us were raised in a traditional two parent household, I was raised with both parents sharing the responsibility of housework. “The Fiance” was raised with his mother doing the primary share of the housework, while “The Fiance’s” father delegated tasks and jobs to “The Fiance” and his sister. In my ideal household everyone does their fair share.
Getting Props For Being A Career Woman
Despite the rocky start, and by rocky I mean Rocky…..
I started to get props for getting up and going to work. Commuting from Brooklyn to the Upper East-Side of Manhattan isn’t always an easy and pleasant process. Especially in the cold when the transit system can be sketchy.
Then there is my schedule to contend with. There are more days where I don’t work a traditional Mon-Fri. 9am-5pm schedule than I like. There have been days where I would get home after midnight only to have to be at work the next day at 9 am. Talk about brutality.
In the end it’s pretty much worth it. I don’t have the “extended” family riding me and judging me for just “sitting at home all day.” People are now way more respectable of my time than before. I get courtesy texts before phone calls. Or if someone calls they will start off the conversation with “is this a bad time, because I know you’re really busy.”
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, yes Aretha Franklin was preaching the Gospel when she shouted out those letters in that song.
It’s such a simple thing but the respect that I get now that I have a job is something that I find to be………… HMMM astonishing……… even fascinating.
I’ve said it at nausea but I will say it again, as a stay-at-home “spouse” I was still very busy. I was also collecting unemployment when I stayed-at-home. On average the amount I collected in unemployment benefits is roughly the same amount as what I make weekly at my current job. My job is, I guess you can say, a “per diem--temporary--assignment.” There are weeks where I am actually paid less than what I collected on unemployment. Despite that the respect that I receive now from family and friends is through the roof. I can’t help but to feel as if I didn’t get that same respect when I wasn’t working, because there was always this assumption that I wasn’t doing anything at all.
I can’t count how many times I’ve heard, “oh your Fiance’s load is a little lighter now that you’re back working.” I’ve also heard, “oh I know that you feel better to be able to get out of the house.” The truth of the matter is being an ambitious person I was going to find something to keep me busy and make money even if I never worked for another company again. I felt like right before I got my job that I was beginning to find my place. I was going to writing workshops, looking into ways to expound on this whole “Anti-Bride” thing, and I was getting the groundwork in place to pursue a career in speech pathology.
Sigh...........
At this point none of that matters. I finally got the respect that I’ve been fighting for throughout the past year. So now I'm going to work hard to not lose it. Which means when my current job assignment is over it is important to not tell anyone.
You Can’t Lose Your Sh*t
Pardon the expletive. This sub-topic is probably the most important sub-topic in shaping how my relationship changed when I went back to work. I had to learn that despite whatever is going on I cannot lose my “sh*t.” I have to be a grownup and figure out the best time, and best way to communicate whatever my grievances and problems are with “The Fiance.”
Two of the most immediate issues that occurred when I started back to work focused on my schedule, and my pay. Both were explained to me when I accepted the position. However, having never worked a per diem job, like this one, before I wasn’t fully aware of what I didn’t know until it was time to get paid. I work as luxury retail sales specialist for a luxury retail store in Manhattan. It’s a commission based sales job, but it works on a draw.
In regular people’s terms I have to make my sales goals or else I am screwed. If I sell a very pricey item I better hope to the luxury sales gods that the person doesn’t return it. A return on a high end item reflects my sales goals for the day/week/month. So my strategy is to bust my but selling lower priced items to locals, and higher priced items to tourist. Preferably tourists whose flight leaves the next day! There have been times when people have returned items, and that has put me in the hole which reflects my pay.
My job isn’t a tough job, but as I stated before it can be tough when I don’t meet my goals. With a wedding approaching, and all of life’s other expenses “The Fiance” and I are on a tight budget. I took a huge pay cut when I was let go from my job earlier this year. It took almost 4 months before I began to receive unemployment benefits. While I have been grateful to have the option to collect unemployment, the monies that I received didn’t compare to what I made. I was hoping with this job I would receive a little more than what I was getting on unemployment.
Unfortunately I have been breaking even with my current job. This stresses me out at times. What I had to learn is that this stress is normal stress. This stress is the good old fashion “Americana” stress that we all carry. I just have to learn how to channel my stress into the right outlets. At home there are times where I have to push myself to do things that I may not want to do. There are also times where I have to hold my tongue and not react to things “The Fiance” does or say. I.E. I cannot lose my “sh*t.” The moment that I lose it and snap on my hubby-to-be, or lay in bed rather than wash those extra loads of clothes -- that my friends is the moment when all hell breaks loose in my house.
In closing, I have around 6 weeks left at this assignment before it is over. I am still in the works on what will be happening next for me career wise. Stayed tuned!
Sincerely,
The Anti-Bride 2013
iamtheanitbride2013.blogspot.com
Email: theantibride2013@gmail.com
Twitter: @theantibride2013
