Should I Change The Last Name??

     No one has asked me about changing my last name because I think people assume that it is sort of a given. You get married you change your last name. I mean really “what’s in a name” anyways??

     The last name thing is something that I have gone back and forth with throughout my young adult life.

(Warning flash back to Janet Jackson Definition of Sexy Woman Post)

     Back when I was 8 years old and I was dreaming of getting married in my thirties to that divorced top executive. You remember how the story went. We would reside in that huge house in Westchester County, NY…. Well in that dream I naturally took to his last name. DUH??!!!

     Well, something happened in my late teens early twenties. I started to come into myself, and my career was forming. That’s when I started to think hmmm maybe I want to keep my last name. 

     I think the nail in the coffin for me NOT wanting to change my last name was when I did play by play commentary for a minor league football game. I was all of 19 years old. I barely had my pinky toe wet in the sports entertainment business.  Regardless, you couldn’t tell me ANYTHING. In my mind I was headed to commentate for the Rose Bowl, and after that the Super Bowl.

     In my clouded 19 year old mind I was thinking O.M.G. changing my last name is SOOOO going to ruin my career. Never mind that my speaking voice at that time was, and at times still is, WAY too high to ever be taken seriously in any form of live broadcasting. Nor the financial and job crisis that soon surfaced. NOPE forget all of that because changing my last name would ruin my career.

     Now that I am a touch older and wiser I have made my decision on changing my name. I decided that I am going to gradually change my name to a hyphenated version. I’m going to hyphenate my name on all official JOINT documents like our marriage certificate, joint bank account, and things like that. All of my personal identification things that have expiration on them I will wait until they expire and then change the last name to my hyphenated last name. My social security and personal banking information I will change over when my driver’s license expires. Yep, that about covers it! 

            Here are the reasons why I’m not in a rush to change my last name:

1.    I love my last name!!

 

It really is that simple I love my last name. I was always  taught to be proud of my name, and I’m really proud of my name. I have no desire to drop my last name. I love my entire name so I won’t be dropping any of my names ESPECIALLY not my middle name!

2.    I’ve signed too much stuff to be changing the flow now!

I hate to keep throwing my age out there because I’m really not that old. BUT I am almost thirty. When you’re in your late twenties you have signed your fair share of documents, contracts, W-2’s, W-4’s, I-9’s, and more of the like. You have learned the difference between claiming 0 dependents, and claiming yourself as 1 dependent when you add lines A-G.

When you get married straight out of college you haven’t really gotten any real mileage on your name. You aren’t really signing anything legal or legit other than your FAFSA. Maybe you cosigned for an apartment or something but that's about it. It’s easy to drop your last name and take on another last name in your early twenties, because there really isn’t a paper trail behind your last name.

When you’re a little older and you have done things, dropping your last name completely may cause some issue when you have to prove that you are who you are. What about that E-Trade account that has doubled or even tripled?? Yeah, you forgot about that.

Another reality that no one likes to think about is becoming the care taker or beneficiary to your parents. Right now my parents are young and are in pretty good shape health wise. But I’ve seen family members struggle over the legalities of things when it comes to taking care of business for their elderly parents. OR you may even find yourself in an unfortunate circumstance where your parents or siblings may need to assist you. Having that last name ties everyone together, and makes people feel more comfortable disclosing confidential information.

3.    I’m too lazy!

It is a lot of work to do all of this at once. With identity theft, homeland security, and whatever else the process and paperwork to change your name on official documents is slow and tedious. I understand why it is that way, but I don’t have the energy to deal with it. It usually takes 10-15 days for you to receive your new documents in the mail. I remember the anxiety that I felt when I had to change my license over last year. Oh the horror. Just kidding, it wasn’t that bad, but it can be a little inconveniencing.

     In closing I think it is really important to discuss with your future spouse which route fits best. It is important to hear what your spouse has to say. Some spouses may feel hurt or slighted if you decide not to take on their last name. Explaining why you want to keep or hyphenate your last name is important. This isn’t a last minute conversation; this is a conversation that you should have with your spouse early on in the wedding process. This is a conversation that may have to be researched and revisited until you both come up with something that you feel comfortable with.

Sincerely,

The Anti-Bride 2013