My Bridal Shower was on Saturday, June 29th. I LEARNED so much from my bridal shower experiences. The bridal shower and all of the emotions surrounding the bridal shower really solidified several things to me. Right now I am so happy that I made the decision to NOT have a bridal party. I am at a place in my life where I don’t think I could physically handle the stress of dealing with other's emotions.
Let me dive in and give you a recap of the bridal shower.
My mother, sister, and two nieces came up from South Carolina to New York to throw my bridal shower. I had a lot of input in things regarding the bridal shower. But things did spiral out of control a bit.
My family was staying in Edgewater, NJ which is not particular far from where I live, but it’s not particularly close or convenient. My family was only going to be staying in the NYC area for 2 nights, but they wanted to make the most out of their trip. It has been quite some time since my mom, sister, nieces, and I were all together in New York. I always visit my family in South Carolina, and individually one or two members of my family have visited me in New York. But it was a pretty big deal for the ANTI-BRIDE to be together with her MOM and all of the GIRLS! It was special for me, and for them.
The Friday before the Bridal Shower we went shopping. The shopping trip was okay, but the planning could have been a little better. Everyone had a decent time, but it was cut a little short because the bridal shower was the next day.
I had been searching for the PERFECT outfit to wear to my Bridal Shower for weeks.
I came up with something that was cute. But I didn’t feel confident in it. This was particularly important for me because I was going to be meeting some of “The Fiance’s” extended family for the first time. To add fuel to the fire…. My sister isn’t just my sister well she’s my IDENTICAL TWIN SISTER.
I have spent the majority of my adult life trying to figure out my own identity. That’s another entire post in itself, and I won’t go deep into the whole twin thing during this post. What I will say is the most important thing for me during my bridal shower was to not be overshadowed by the fact that I am a twin. I love my sister with every being of my existence. One of the hardest things about being an identical twin is you ALWAYS feel that people are comparing the two of you. It creates a little bit of competition that you really don’t want to be there but it is forced. People are always judging the two of you, and that could be very hard.
My sister is in the fashion and beauty industry. She is always on 10 when it comes to clothes, makeup, hair, and accessories. We have completely different styles. I HATE asking her advice on anything fashion and beauty related because I instantly feel warped into “what not to wear.”
Then it becomes well you like to wear more “comfortable clothes,” and you sister likes to be more “glamorous.” When it’s not even that! I chose a lifestyle that doesn’t afford me to spend as much money on being “glamorous.” I live in NYC and life is 50 times more expensive. I don’t have the money, time, or energy to be glamorous every day. Plus it’s hard to be glamorous when you’re walking 30 blocks every day and taking mass transit in 98 degree weather might I add.
The day of my bridal shower I decided I needed to change my outfit. At 5 am I was online searching for the "perfect skirt” on the websites of clothing stores in my neighborhood. I found my “perfect skirt” I just had to wait until 9:30 am for the store to open, and pray to the “MOST HIGH” that the store had the skirt or something comparable. I also had to pick up my cake, and get my eyebrows waxed. So I headed to my God-Aunt’s so we could pick up the cake that she ordered from the bakery. We went to the bakery, and the cake wasn’t done. She ordered the cake 2 weeks ago, but it wasn’t ready yet.
I brushed off the minor anxiety attack because I still needed to get my eyebrows waxed and purchase my skirt. I dropped my God-Aunt off at her house, and rushed to the store. My prayers were answered and they had my skirt in my size!!! So I purchased the skirt, and rushed to my next destination. After circling the block to find a parking space I settled on a space that was about 3 blocks away and walked. I was in and out pretty quick and making good timing. It was around 11am and I needed to leave my house at noon to make it to the restaurant in Manhattan by 1:30pm.
The next order of business was to take a quick shower, get dressed, pick up my cake, and head to Manhattan. Pretty easy. Well I started to get text, after text, and phone call after phone call of cancellations, and sorry I’m going to be late from guests. The anxiety started to settle in. I called my mother and she didn’t answer. I was starting to panic a little. I spoke with my mother around 11:30am briefly, but I still had a very uneasy feeling.
I left my house at 12:10pm, but I still had enough time to pick up the cake and make it to Manhattan. I hit some traffic on my way to the bakery, but managed to pick up the cake around 12:30pm. There was some confusion on the decorations, and the cake looked VERY COLORFUL, but it wasn’t a huge deal. I put the cake in my car and start to head to Manhattan when I realize I did not have either of my cell phones. I really started to panic. I NEVER LEAVE home without my cell phones. So I drive back to the apartment and grab my cell phones. It’s exactly 1:00 pm when I get back to my house because of traffic. I am supposed to be at the venue at 1:30pm. With no traffic it takes at least 35 minutes to drive from my house to Midtown Manhattan.
I say a quick prayer and get on the highway to tailgate my way into the city. I’m still getting texts about cancellations and people running late. At this point I’m down to 6 guests who cancelled at the last minute. I call my mother…no answer, I call my sister… no answer. I’m really panicking at this point. It’s now 1:45pm and I’m just passing LaGuardia Airport in Queens, NY. I see the sign for the Tri-Boro Bridge, but I know with traffic I wasn’t going to arrive by 2pm.
I’m so upset at this point. Why?? Why?? Why did they have to stay in New Jersey? Why couldn’t they just stayed out on Long Island or Queens or something? That’s what I kept asking myself. In my panic state I tried to calm myself down, but I really just suppressed it. I kept calling but still no answer. I pulled into the parking garage across the street from the restaurant at 2:45pm. My phone had not rang once. I had no idea if anyone was even there or if at this point everyone had cancelled. I called my sister one last time right before getting out of my car with the cake. She answered.
I asked her was anybody there and she said “yes, everyone is here we are just waiting for you.” I asked her why didn’t anyone pick up their phones or call me she said “well nobody had their phones out, and we were really busy. When we got to the restaurant they weren’t set up, and we had to bring in all of the decorations and EVERYTHING.” I sympathized with her…. Okay not really…..I was HEATED!!!! I asked her could she or someone else come out to the parking lot to carry my cake. My sister came out. I went into the restroom of the restaurant and had a complete meltdown. My mom came in side and I was so ANGRY with her. I was crying and acting like a 4 year old.
After being consoled I went upstairs and everyone started clapping. I put on the worst fake smile of the century and sat at a table by myself and began eating my food. I was so upset. My sister and mother were busy attending to the guests, and after about 15 minutes or so my nieces came to my table and ate with me. I knew that I was acting like a brat but I really was on some, “it’s my party and I can cry if I want to” type stuff.
After about 30 minutes, and a full stomach I got over my feelings. (TEMPORARILY) I started to mingle with the guests. But we didn’t have much time so I began opening up gifts taking pictures, and then it was all over. I was probably there for about 90 minutes. The guests really enjoyed themselves. The Fiancé and I got great gifts, and I was really appreciative.
I’m not embarrassed by the way I behaved at the Bridal Shower. I think if anything I am still VERY VERY VERY VERY hurt that my mother and sister have yet to fully grasp why I was feeling the way that I was feeling. My family are extremely hospitable people. My parents love putting on a dinner party, BBQ, or any other gathering. I felt like my Bridal Shower was just that “another family gathering,” or “another occasion where the family can put on a show.”
Growing up I lived for the times when everyone would come over to our house. But I didn’t want that for this. I really wanted my mother and sister to support me. As selfish as it sounded I needed my family to do this WITH me rather than doing this FOR me.
I have had such a difficult year with all of the changes and transitions going on in my life. I’m such an independent person, and I have been that way most of my adult life. It’s so hard for me to ask for help. I feel like when I do ask for help, or I ask for support it falls on deaf ears because my inner circle isn’t used to me requesting anything. I begged my mother and sister to stay closer to me, because I wanted us to be together and spend time with each other. But they chose to stay in New Jersey because it was cheaper, and they were able to get a hotel that met their accommodations. I understood their reasoning for wanting to stay in New Jersey, but it still had a HUGE effect on EVERYTHING for me.
I needed my mother and sister to be with me while I was picking up my cake. I needed my teenaged nieces to go to the clothing store with me to get my new skirt, and go with me to the salon to get eyebrows waxed. I needed my mom and sister to be with me when those texts and phone calls were coming in regarding cancellations. I needed us to show up at the venue together ON TIME. Most importantly, I NEEDED my new extended family to meet me for the first time rather than my TWIN SISTER.
Everyone who attended the Bridal Shower keeps telling me “it turned out so nice.” “It was so lovely.” They thought my late arrival was planned. They thought everything was perfect. Even my mother and sister felt as though everything turned out just right. I agree that things did turn out just right. But I don’t agree with the mindset of “everything turned out right so that’s all that matters.” I’m sorry but I can’t!! The 12 hours of straight anxiety, and panic doesn’t make up for the 90 minutes of “just right.” Those feelings and anxieties that led to me melting down and feeling a lack of support were VERY REAL. I need to pay attention to that to guarantee that it does not happen again.
Moving forward with my wedding, I’m happy that I am not having a bridal party. It’s clear to me that everyone isn’t always going to be on the same page. I learned that even though something is happening to you it has a different effect on others. A group of my girlfriends, Who Are LOCAL, have enlisted themselves to be my support system during my last hours of being single. We are talking about being sure that our hotel rooms are door to door so we can make sure that I have the support that I need!! That’s important to me!
In closing I love my family, and I am grateful for all of the things that they have done. But I also have to be mindful of the experience that I want to have, and to be sure that I make sure it happens.
Sincerely,
The Anti-Bride 2013
P.S.
This blog is mainly anonymous. But after some requests and careful thought I will be coming out of hiding soon. I will start showing some personal pictures. BUT we will take things a little slow.
Here is a shot of the poor cake that had a rough time getting to the bridal shower as well.
Also there are a few shots of the party favors which were Victoria's Secret Body Butter.
If you remember I said the colors for the bridal shower was leopard/animal print, and pink.
My mom got us all these shirts. They kinda of remind me of the Hello My Name is Concept.
Here are some of our gifts!
No comments:
Post a Comment