A Wedding Post: Is It Tacky To Request Gift Cards?

      Hello all!!! So I've been up since 3:25 am this morning, like most mornings. Don't ask?!!! 

     Forget it I'll just tell you... "The Fiance" has to be at work at an Un-Godly hour. As a spouse in training I see him off in the mornings. Not by choice. I just sort of gave in.

      My sleep patterns are completely off because of his work schedule. I swear we live in a different time zone. It really is that bad. Some days I am able to go right back to sleep. Most days I'm not. So today like most days I browsed the internet. Today, unlike most days, I decided to be productive and get some "wedding stuff" out of the way. 

      Getting "wedding stuff" done at 4:00 am on a Monday morning is one of the reasons why I am an Anti-Bride. The following bridal stuff got done today:

• Found my Save The Date Magnets & Enclosure Cards at a reasonable price
• Updated my wedding website on TheKnot.com
• Committed in my mind to visit two host hotels within the next 3 or 4 weeks.

     Yep, a pretty productive morning to say the least.

     The second bullet point is what instigated the topic of today's post. While updating my wedding website on TheKnot.com I decided to update the registry portion. That's where all the drama began!!!

      I have a beef with registries of ANY kind!

      Not that kind of beef. I'm talking NBA rivalry type beef!

     That's more like it!!!

     I don't like registries because I feel like they:

• put a lot pressure on you as the guest
• make guests feel GUILTY if they want to purchase something that's not on the registry
• make guests feel like they're being told what to get and how much to spend
• make guests feel like time is of the essence to get certain items (i.e. people usually get the least expensive items first)
• make guests wonder how do we know you're even going to use it (not that it is anyone's business)

     I understand the purpose of using registries. Registries can make life easier in certain situations. For example if you're getting married but neither of you have ever lived on your own, then yes a registry is important. If your having a baby for the first time, then yes a registry is important. After your first home, and your first kid registries become a bit of a nuisance. 

     For my bridal shower I struggled to put items on my registry. Wait.....first I struggled with what stores to choose from. I may like to shop at Bloomingdales, Nordstrom, and Saks, but you, the guests, may not be with all that. So I tried to choose stores that were accessible to everyone. The problem was I had all of the essential things people ask for in registries. I found myself just putting random items on my registry to try to discourage people into just giving up and getting gift cards.

Exhibit A -- My purple chandelier listed on one of my registries which no one has purchased:

     Some people got the hint. Other people didn't. I got a few phone calls, text messages, and emails where family and friends asked if my registry was complete at each store. Some even pointed out that I should just ask for a whole set of wine glasses instead of placing a single wine glass from each store on my registry. (Hey what do you expect I had to get creative. Who knew that Martha Stewart carried a line at Macy's and Target.)

     During those conversations I broke down and just said, "listen I appreciate that you guys want to get me what I want, but I don't really need any of it. I would prefer gift cards if that isn't too much to ask." After sharing this information I got a lot of, "well why did you just say that. Shoot that's easier for me because I just pick that up from the CVS!" 

      I live in a moderately sized Brooklyn, New York City apartment. Depending on what you expect from a NYC apartment my apartment is either moderately big or moderately small. Regardless of the geographic location there are only so many closets, so many cabinets, and so many drawers in any apartment. We just don't have the space to put things. My grandparents purchased several towel sets for me. I was excited and thankful. But with one tiny linen closet that also serves as storage for toiletries, hair products, and our tool box, I just don't have the space for my new towels.

     If I get a few gift cards from Macy's then I could purchase this beauty to put my towels in:

     Taking all of this into consideration I made the executive decision to request gift cards on my registry page. Here is the text that I included:

You may find registries at the following stores:

• Bloomingdales
• Macys
• Target
• Bed, Bath, and Beyond
• J.C. Penney
• Sears

Our home is filling up rather quickly with love and LOTS of other things. We are thankful to those who have purchased items, as well as to those who plan to purchase items. With your gifts and blessings we have the majority of the necessary essentials to begin married life!

We ask, in lieu of large presents we request gift cards. Thank you so much for your understanding and support. We look forward to seeing all of you on our big day November 8, 2014.

     Asking for any form of currency whether gift card, dollars, cents, pounds or euros is a very very very difficult thing. I googled this topic because I really wanted to be positive as to what the etiquette was. It turns out that either people get it or they don't. Either they find it tacky, shameful, low rent, and offensive or they find it perfectly acceptable. 

     From what I read one of the main why you shouldn't ask for gift cards (or money because a gift card is perceived to be like cash) is that you should be grateful for whatever your receive. 

     Another reason why, so I've read, you shouldn't ask for gift cards/money is because it is perceived that you are hard up for money. Then the question is raised, "why are you having a big lavish wedding if you cannot afford it?" Reading all of this made me want to just quit and give up. 

     I started to feel like whatever gifts/gift cards/ checks or money orders I get is what I get. 

     After stubbing my toe on my tool box in attempts to get a roll of toilet paper out of the linen closet I decided NAAAAAWWWW I'm not going out like this! That's when I said forget it I'm going to request gift cards. Call me low rent, call me tacky, call me shameful, call me whatever but if you're that ashamed or insulted then just don't come to the wedding. 

     In closing, I understand both sides of the argument. In taking on my role as an Anti-Bride the point is to create my own tradition and tailor my experiences to my expectations. I expect my wedding to fall in line with my vision. Entering year two of wedding planing I no longer expect people to get my vision, or accept my expectations. This is why people can decline with regret.

Sincerely,

The Anti-Bride

Email: theantibride2013@gmail.com

Twitter: @theantibride2013