For the past 2 weeks I have been trying to sort things out with my professional career and being unemployed. Things are going in the right direction, but nothing has changed regarding my employment situation. I have had several interviews and hopefully we will get some GREAT NEWS in the upcoming weeks. For now all I can do is stay focused.
With that being said, I have suspended all things related to my wedding for now. I have not spoken to my wedding planner in several weeks. Lastly, I have been letting my mom handle the bridal shower. My primary focus is getting a job to pay for it all.
I wanted to have a bridal shower early because it works better with my mother's schedule to have it in the early summer. Most of the people attending this event are going to be family members from both sides, my mom's friends, and a few of my friends are invited. This is really my mom's thing. I thought maybe the guests would get a few things off the registry, we would play games, share stories, eat, and have a few cocktails. In my mind it would be like this:
My "hubby to be" has been on a "staycation" for the past week. (We were supposed to go to Jamaica, but obviously that did not happen. I'm not bitter!) So he's been home. I have been busy trying to entertain him as well as keep up my flow of scheduling job interviews for myself. In the middle of typing an email I get this phone call out of the blue from a number I did not recognize. I answer it hoping that it was an employer scheduling an interview. I was wrong. It was one of my God-Aunts calling me from her job.
{Yes I have a few God-Aunts. I define a God-Aunt as one of your biological Aunt's best friends. They are those people who have been in your life your entire life, but they don't have a title. They are pushy and nosy just like an Aunt, and you cannot tell them where to go and how to get there because they will punish you like an Aunt.}
So my God-Aunt calls to gossip, and she caught me off guard when she asked me what size I wear. This God-Aunt is very obsessive about body image. It's really annoying, and given my struggles to slim down, my guard was up. But she segued into "well I want to know so I can know what kind of lingerie to get you for your bridal shower."
There was a pause, and the thoughts going through my mind was: Lingerie??? What????
I replied back "umm I have to go someone is calling on the other line."
LIES LIES LIES........
I was completely caught of guard with the idea that people would be bringing lingerie to this bridal shower.
I called my mom to tell her about the conversation I had with my God-Aunt and the lingerie reference. I let my mom know that I thought the bridal shower was one thing and a lingerie party was something else. My mom informed me that guests do bring lingerie to the bridal shower. UMMM NOT AT MY BRIDAL SHOWER. I completely shut that all the way down! I refuse to have a conversation about sex, lingerie, what I do and don't do in the bedroom in front of my mother or my mother's friends.
I'm such a prude in front of my mom. There are certain things I do not feel comfortable discussing. I admire other girl's open dialogue with their parents about sex and whatever else, but that's just not me. I have to draw the line somewhere. ANDDDD... I do not feel comfortable with people purchasing lingerie for me.
I am open to having a lingerie party with just the girls. NO MOMS or AUNTS or GOD-AUNTS or GOD-MOMS allowed. I feel in some ways people are trying to push what they want on me, and this is where the whole Anti-Bride thing comes to play. I know this "wedding" means a whole lot more to other people than it means to me. I will give my mom the opportunity to throw a bridal shower. HOWEVER I will not be made to feel uncomfortable in the process.
The past few years have been tough on my relationship with my mother, and pretty much the rest of my family. Though we are still close, there are a lot of things about me that they do not really know. I have changed A LOT. I have grown up, and have had my own experiences. I'm not the same girl anymore. I have different religion, a different outlook on life, and a different set of life goals. I know it's a little scary for a parent to feel like they don't know their child.
I talk to my mother everyday. Sometimes I talk to her 3 or 4 times in one day. But even with all of our casual conversations about the news, weather, and my crazy job interviews; my mom still doesn't know me for the woman that I am. I will admit that I am doing some these "traditional" wedding things more for her. I want her to have that dream of her daughter's wedding, even if it's not exactly the same dream I had for myself anymore.
While I am willing to give this gift of a "wedding" to my mother. I still want to experience the "experience," for lack of a better word, for myself. I still want My Love to experience whatever "experience" he may want as well. It still is about us! Since it is about us I do not want to change who I am to give her this.
With that being said LINGERIE is OUT! We will not have lingerie at this event. It makes me feel uncomfortable and that's that. I just think that it's extra creepy for women to buy me night outfits to wear to be with my husband. If there was a spin on it like they mailed me gift cards, and I purchased the lingerie and showed them what I purchased at the bridal shower; I would be open to that. If we did it that way I could control what my mom sees and we can keep it PG.
In closing words, we shall see how this all will play out. But I am going to stand my ground on the lingerie thing.
Sincerely,
The Anti-Bride 2013
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