So I have been in a little fog lately. The past 5 days have been an overcast for me. By that I mean I have great moments throughout the day but overall I have been in a funk. This week "My Love" and I went on a few dates, and I have been working on wedding stuff.
I am a little stressed. I understand the things I’m concerned about are out of my control. I
think I have said this a million times and I will say it again. I am not
against weddings. I just hate the planning and preparation process. To
make matters worse I am currently knee deep in it. My mom is hosting a bridal shower for me at the end of June. My mom lives out of state so basically I have been doing the pre-planning, and then she’s going to take over.
What’s been getting me down is that I’ve come to the realization of something. Not only am I an “Anti-Bride” but I am a NYC Anti-Bride! Now do you feel my pain?
NYC is such a superficial place. I am a native New Yorker. I am from Manhattan and everything. I have also been blessed to spend a number of years living outside of the city. My opinion of my hometown is that IT IS THE BEST PLACE IN THE WORLD.
BUT…. it’s not always worth the headache.
I may step on a few toes by mentioning this because it’s such an opinionated and generalized statement which is not always best. Yeah, but I will mention it anyways. The people most responsible for making New York City so superficial are the transplants. The men and women who move to NYC from places like Oregon and Nebraska. They have Carrie Bradshaw dreams of being stylish and social.
BUT…. it’s not always worth the headache.
I may step on a few toes by mentioning this because it’s such an opinionated and generalized statement which is not always best. Yeah, but I will mention it anyways. The people most responsible for making New York City so superficial are the transplants. The men and women who move to NYC from places like Oregon and Nebraska. They have Carrie Bradshaw dreams of being stylish and social.
Or working in finance and being a lady killer like Neil Patrick Harris character on How I Met Your Mother.
They get here to New York, and realize that it's a tough place. Unless you have millions you're going to have to work, and work hard. Hard work may mean instead of getting that high end fashion job, you're working at a bridal shop that is unlisted on yelp. Or instead of working in finance on Wall Street, you are a server at a grill in Battery Park City.
I am an anti-bride but I still want to have an elegant, and intimate wedding ceremony. I still want to have a fun, and let my hair down while enjoying the music at my reception. And since I am a good girl, and great daughter I still want to allow my mother the opportunity to give me a classy bridal shower D*MNIT!
So hey you! Yeah you! Reject Neil Patrick Harris when I call your restaurant to inquire about reserving group space for my bridal shower don’t take it out on me because Ernst and Young hasn’t emailed you back for a job interview and you are working at the hostess stand. And you fake Carrie Bradshaw don’t take your frustration out on me because I found my BIG and you haven’t found yours, and you’re working at a bridal shop!!
"Tell em' why you're made moment in 3..2..1.."
So hey you! Yeah you! Reject Neil Patrick Harris when I call your restaurant to inquire about reserving group space for my bridal shower don’t take it out on me because Ernst and Young hasn’t emailed you back for a job interview and you are working at the hostess stand. And you fake Carrie Bradshaw don’t take your frustration out on me because I found my BIG and you haven’t found yours, and you’re working at a bridal shop!!
My Personal Beef With The World
Okay I may be coming off a bit harsh. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am a hot mess right now. I seriously hate the term “hot mess,” but that’s the best way to describe myself. I will admit that I have let myself go. I neglected every regimen that I spent years crafting. Hair regimen… neglected; results split ends and damaged hair. Skin regimen… neglected; results oily-pimply-troubled skin. Food and exercise regimen…neglected; results gained 40 lbs and out of shape.
In the superficial place that I call home I should know better. I literally walked into a bridal shop with jeans, t-shirt, and neither care in the world nor entourage in tow. My hair was up in a bun, and I just wanted to try on one dress. The pretty, not to mention dangerously skinny, girl working at the bridal shop did not welcome me with open arms. The customer service she gave me was equivalent to what you receive ordering a sandwich at Subway. I received better service at H&M.
Next, I called a restaurant that has a celebrity backing on a Wednesday (which is notoriously known as inventory day at any restaurant or retail store nationwide). I called to inquire about my bridal shower at the end of June. The guy who answered the phone had an attitude my outspoken aunt would say was "too smart for his own good." He was very short, and barely let me get a word out. He continuously spoke over me in one of those nice but really condescending type of ways.
It's wrong on so many levels to make the assumptions on what people look like based off their name, their dialect, and their phone etiquette. But I did it anyways. His name was Connor or Tanner or Taylor or something like that. He was a little snotty jerk, and I pictured him to look like this:
Side Bar: The Kennedy's get a bad rap. I'm sure they are wonderful people.
This was all really my fault. I showed up at a bridal shop alone, and I called a busy restaurant in the middle of the week. I mean who does that??!!?? Apparently I do. No wonder why Carrie and Neil were throwing jabs at me. Amateur moves. I was kind of asking for it.
Next, I called a restaurant that has a celebrity backing on a Wednesday (which is notoriously known as inventory day at any restaurant or retail store nationwide). I called to inquire about my bridal shower at the end of June. The guy who answered the phone had an attitude my outspoken aunt would say was "too smart for his own good." He was very short, and barely let me get a word out. He continuously spoke over me in one of those nice but really condescending type of ways.
It's wrong on so many levels to make the assumptions on what people look like based off their name, their dialect, and their phone etiquette. But I did it anyways. His name was Connor or Tanner or Taylor or something like that. He was a little snotty jerk, and I pictured him to look like this:
This was all really my fault. I showed up at a bridal shop alone, and I called a busy restaurant in the middle of the week. I mean who does that??!!?? Apparently I do. No wonder why Carrie and Neil were throwing jabs at me. Amateur moves. I was kind of asking for it.
Anti-bride or not I have to take responsibility for the roles that I am playing, and the reason why I am being treated the way that I am. It kind of became real to me that all of these people are coming from all over for this one event. The event just so happens to be my wedding. They are all coming with closed minds ready to judge. I have been avoiding the facts about my life and my choices! In the words of any American Father my advice to myself would be "a kick in the behind," and " to get my act together quick!”
This experience does not take away the fact that NYC is a superficial place. Hot mess, 40 pounds overweight and all of my other flaws, if I was in Raleigh, NC those women at the bridal shop probably would not have treated me like a bum on the street. Or if I was in Richmond, VA and I called a restaurant they would have been a little more polite. I’m not in those places I am in NYC, and I do know better. I can’t be mad at Neil and Carrie for being Neil and Carrie.
In My Own Defense
I am getting it together. I have been slowly working on the transformation for a while. I have been trying to break a lot of bad habits. The biggest habit that I am trying to break is the Granddaddy of all bad habits that I have which is not valuing myself. I am realizing that all of my other bad habits have come from the fact that I haven’t valued myself enough to take care of all of me. I have been just getting by for years.
For example the economy has changed drastically. It’s not going to change back to the way that it was. I should have valued myself enough to do research to figure out which direction the job market was/is going in, and where I fit with my skills. Instead I have taken whatever opportunities that came across the table. Those opportunities may have paid very little forcing me to get a second job. Those opportunities may not have been in my particular field forcing me to spend additional time volunteering, and doing other assignments in my industry to stay relevant.
I charged all of this to the game of "Hustling!" "Hustling" resulted in me going in early and getting off late. I was too tired to eat a good meal so I would pick up Chinese. I was too tired to do a facial cleanse so I would just wash my face with soap in the shower. I was too tired to do 20 minute quick workouts so I would run out the door. I was too tired to do my hair so I would throw it up in a bun or some other quick do.
I think the secret weapon for most successful women is being attractive. Another secret is that attractiveness isn’t always as cookie cutter as one would think.
I am not vein but I am not stupid either. I do know that my looks have gotten me places that just my resume alone couldn’t get me. But what was supposed to temporary became permanent and that is how I let myself go.
Getting Back on Track
This whole wedding/anti-bride experience is allowing me to see myself in a way that I have not wanted to see myself. I have started to make some DRASTIC changes, and I am seeing the results. But I know that I am not completely where I want to be or where I need to be. I know that for others my transformation process is coming off as CRAZY. I.E. my separation from my former employer, my decision not to go back to graduate school anytime soon, and the fact that I am holding out on a employment position that some do not see as too promising. I think for the first time in 5 years I have taken a hard look at myself and I did not like what I saw. So now I am going to start investing in myself and my future.
The forecast for this weekend is sunny skies!!!
In closing I am a work in progress!!
Sincerely,
The Anti-Bride 2013
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